100 16 Random Important facts about my imprisonment glorious stint of unemployment:
1. Ozzy and Norman have been renamed “Boo Boo Stank” and “Shuffles,” respectively. Ginger is now “Oh please stop.” Cat is still “Li’l Annoying Fukker.”
2. While I shower daily, early experimentation reveals an hitherto unrealized and astonishing number of days I can go without washing my hair.
3. Hat is my friend.
4. If you lie really still at 4:30 am, you can hear the rest of your time zone peacefully sleeping. Current record before bursting into tears of despair: 9.6 seconds.
5. Reopening random bedroom doors does not, in fact, magically reveal anything new to discover.
6. As with #5, so the same with closets.
7. Also, Narnia does not exist.